(Photo credit: Hannah Cross)
To my sweet baby, on our first Mother’s Day:
Wow, I have been anticipating this day for quite some time! I always wondered what it would be like to celebrate being a mother, to celebrate me being a mother…
But then I got to thinking, that I wouldn’t be able to celebrate today without YOU, or your Papa for that matter, and I wanted to instead spend today celebrating us.
I watched you while you napped on your daddy’s chest, your soft cheeks looked extra squishy and kissable. Your lips slightly parted, sucking on an imaginary pacifier that had long since fallen out. I love watching the two of you together. I can already tell that you’ll be Papa’s little girl!
It’s hard to believe that this same time last year, you were still safely tucked away in my womb, stretching, kicking, rolling…The exact same way you did today, when Mama was trying to snuggle and take a nap, and well, you—were not. 🙂
And at almost 7 months old, time is already passing WAY more quickly than I could have imagined, let alone could have wanted.
You see, while I was awaiting your arrival, I was praying for God to speed time up…To make the wait just a little bit shorter. After having gone through loss just a few short months before, I was terrified of losing you, too!
And baby girl, you sure took your time getting here (an extra 9 days, in fact)! Even before you were born, you were already causing Mama to daily get on her knees, begging the Lord for patience. (And if you’re anything like your mama, it won’t be the last!).
But God had His timing, and in hindsight, I am thankful for your late arrival, because you are here with me now, and that is what I am going to focus on…NOW.
Each moment, as it happens.
Because if I am being truly honest? I am still terrified. Growing up in this world, as you will someday see, the fragility of life is all-too evident.
Loss is too common.
As a mother, I’ve already had firsthand experience.
And the thought of losing you, my beautiful baby, sometimes keeps me up at night.
I didn’t know just how fierce a mother’s love could be, until I met you! I thought I was in love with you when I first saw that faint positive sign on the pregnancy test, a year and a half ago…I thought I was in love with you when you were placed on my chest, just moments after you entered the world!
But oh, how much more I love you today than I did yesterday, and yesterday more than the day before.
And tomorrow I’ll love you even more!
Even at the ripe old age of (almost) 7 months, you are already showing off your newfound freedom by trying to crawl off the bed during snuggle-time.
I know your sense of independence will only get stronger as you learn to walk, run, ride a bike, drive a car (!!!!), go off to college…
And all this anxious mother can do is to hold on tight. Snuggle just a little bit longer, hug just a little bit tighter, and once again be on my knees, begging the Father to slow down time, to make each moment last.
As I was rocking you to sleep tonight, I did just that…I held you in my arms, long past the “drowsy, but awake” magic moment where perfectly sleep trained babies are supposed to be placed in their cribs.
I kissed your soft, squishy cheeks over and over again, in awe that God would grant me the privilege of being your mother. That He would intrust your father and I with the most precious gift of you.
My two favorite people in the whole world, and I savored every moment of today with you.
I didn’t want my first Mother’s Day to end.
Our first Mother’s Day.
And I look forward to spending each and every
day moment as your mother.